How to Heal From Traumatic Grief

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Navigating Traumatic Grief: What is Traumatic Grief?

In this video, Dr. Kate Truitt explores what makes traumatic grief specifically unique. Grief is hard. When we experience grief it can be uncomfortable; we need to expect that and hold space for the mind body healing process.

Navigating Traumatic Grief: Managing Overwhelming Emotions

In this insightful video, Dr. Kate Truitt delves into the unique experience of grieving after a traumatic loss. Discover how emotions can resemble a tidal wave or detachment, both of which are normal reactions. Dr. Kate emphasizes the brain’s struggle with uncertainty, leading to the creation of narratives intertwined with our feelings.

A Healing Meditation for Navigating Traumatic Grief

Sometimes when we experience grief our brain can tell us stories that cause us to fear relationships. We can hold space for all of these feelings. They are real, and reasonable. Something meaningful has been taken. Our memories will stay with us.

Dr. Arielle Schwartz & Dr. Kate Truitt on Keep Breathing, Posttraumatic Growth, & Resilience

Embark on a journey with me as I delve into my memoir ‘Keep Breathing,’ sharing the raw and transformative path through trauma towards resilience. In a heartfelt conversation with my dear friend and colleague, Dr. Arielle Schwartz ( ‪@dr.arielleschwartz913‬ ), who is a pioneer in trauma recovery, we explore the profound impact of sharing our stories for healing.

The Neuroscience of Traumatic Grief: How Trauma Affects the Brain and How to Heal

By Dr. Kate Truitt

Grief is a natural and deeply human response to loss. It is an emotional process that allows us to adapt to life without someone we love. But when grief is intertwined with trauma, when a loss is sudden, violent, or unexpected, the experience can profoundly alter the brain, leaving us feeling stuck in an endless loop of pain, fear, and distress. This is traumatic grief, and it differs significantly from the grief we expect to encounter in life.

Traumatic grief occurs when loss is paired with overwhelming distress, shock, or a sense of powerlessness. It can arise from experiences such as:

Sudden or accidental death (e.g., car accidents, sudden illness, suicide).
Violent loss (e.g., homicide, war, natural disasters).
Death of a child or a deeply attached loved one (which challenges our sense of fairness in the world).
Loss intertwined with personal trauma (e.g., losing a loved one while also experiencing abuse or crisis).

While traditional grief follows an adaptive process—allowing the bereaved to gradually integrate the loss—traumatic grief disrupts this process, often leading to symptoms of PTSD, anxiety, and prolonged grief disorder.

In my book, Keep Breathing: A Psychologist’s Intimate Journey Through Loss, Trauma, and Rediscovering Life, I share my own journey of traumatic grief. When my fiancé died suddenly, just one week before our wedding, my world was shattered in an instant. One moment, we were planning a future filled with love and laughter, and the next, I was standing at his funeral, wearing a dress I had never imagined myself in. The trauma of that loss didn’t just break my heart; it rewired my brain. Download the first chapter for free here.

The Difference Between Grief and Traumatic Grief

Typical grief involves waves of sadness, longing, and adjustment, but with time, the brain adapts, and the pain softens. The bereaved can eventually find meaning and connection despite the absence of their loved one.

Traumatic grief, on the other hand, hijacks the brain’s survival system. Instead of adapting, the brain perceives the loss as an ongoing threat. This leads to:

Hyperarousal–Feeling constantly on edge, as if danger is still present.
Intrusive memories–Vivid, distressing flashbacks of the loss.
Emotional numbing or dissociation–Disconnecting from feelings to avoid overwhelming pain.
Avoidance behaviors–Avoiding reminders, conversations, or places linked to the loss.
Guilt and self-blame–Persistent thoughts of “What if?” or “If only I had…”.

In this psychoeducational video, I delve deeper on what makes traumatic grief specifically unique.

Why Sudden, Unexpected, or Violent Loss Rewires the Brain Differently

Our brains are wired for predictability and attachment. When we love someone, our brain forms neural maps that expect their presence. When loss happens gradually, we have time to prepare for this shift. However, when loss is sudden or traumatic, the amygdala—the brain’s alarm system—goes into overdrive, perceiving the loss as an unresolved threat. This can result in:

Heightened fear responses (the brain keeps scanning for danger, even when none exists).
Frozen grief loops (the mind replays the loss as if it’s still happening).
Difficulty accepting reality (the brain struggles to update its expectations).

Without intervention, traumatic grief can lead to long-term emotional and physical health issues, including depression, anxiety, sleep disorders, and even cardiovascular problems.

Despite being a universal experience, grief remains stigmatized and misunderstood in modern culture. We often hear messages like:

“It’s been a year; you should move on.”
“They wouldn’t want you to be sad.”
“Be strong for your family.”

These statements—though often well-intended—can create shame around grief, making people feel like they must suppress or hide their pain. This isolation can intensify the trauma, preventing the brain from fully processing the loss.

When we don’t allow ourselves to grieve, the pain doesn’t simply disappear. Instead, it:

Gets stored in the body as chronic stress and physical tension.
Resurfaces as anxiety, depression, or emotional numbness.
Manifests in behaviors like overworking, substance use, or withdrawing from relationships.

Suppressing grief may seem like a coping mechanism, but healing only happens when we allow ourselves to process the loss with safety and support.

The Brain on Traumatic Grief: How Loss Becomes Trauma

Grief is not just emotional. It is deeply a biological response. When we lose someone we love, our brain, body, and nervous system react as if a part of us is missing. But in traumatic grief, the loss is so shocking, painful, or unresolved that the brain struggles to process it as reality. Instead, it gets stuck in a survival loop, reacting as if the loss is still happening.

Under normal circumstances, the brain processes loss gradually. Over time, the prefrontal cortex (our logical brain) helps us adjust to life without our loved one, and the memory networks in the hippocampus learn to integrate the loss as part of our personal history.

But when grief is traumatic, this process is disrupted. The survival brain—particularly Amy the amygdala—interprets the loss as a threat to our safety. Instead of adapting, the brain:

Replays the loss on an emotional loop (intrusive thoughts, flashbacks, or distressing dreams).
Activates hypervigilance (a constant state of feeling on edge or unsafe).
Prevents emotional integration (making it hard to accept the loss or move forward).

This is why traumatic grief can feel different from expected grief—instead of a slow transition into remembrance, the brain stays trapped in fear, shock, and distress.

Why Grief Feels Like Danger

The amygdala is the brain’s built-in alarm system. It is responsible for detecting threats, regulating fear responses, and preparing the body for fight, flight, freeze, or fawn reactions.

When we experience traumatic grief, the amygdala misinterprets the loss as a life-threatening event and triggers:

Intense panic, anxiety, and fear – The brain remains on high alert, as if the loss is an ongoing threat.
Emotional flooding – Sudden waves of overwhelming sadness, guilt, or rage.
Avoidance of grief triggers – The brain tries to block painful memories by avoiding reminders, places, or conversations.

These responses are not a choice—they are neurological survival instincts. The brain is simply trying to protect us from pain, even though avoidance often prolongs suffering.

Why Logic Can’t Fix Traumatic Grief

The prefrontal cortex (PFC) is the part of our brain that helps us make rational decisions, regulate emotions, and find meaning in experiences.

In traumatic grief:

The PFC loses power to the amygdala, making it harder to think clearly or regulate emotions.
We struggle to make sense of the loss, leading to obsessive thoughts like “Why did this happen?” or “I should have done something.”
The brain resists updating its reality, causing moments of shock or denial long after the loss.

This is why telling yourself to “move on” doesn’t work—grief healing isn’t about logic. It’s about regulating the nervous system, engaging in healthy processing, and creating new neural pathways. Remember that navigating traumatic grief requires managing overwhelming emotions.

Why Traumatic Loss Feels Unresolved

The hippocampus is the brain’s memory-processing center. It helps us organize events into past, present, and future.

After traumatic loss:

The hippocampus struggles to file the loss as “in the past.”
Memories feel fresh, raw, and immediate, as if they just happened.
The brain repeatedly revisits the moment of loss, looking for a way to change the outcome.

This is why people experiencing traumatic grief often:

Feel like their loved one is still alive, just out of reach.
Wake up expecting them to be there.
Have flashbulb memories (highly detailed, emotional recollections of the moment they learned about the loss).

These reactions aren’t just psychological—they are deeply neurobiological, shaped by the way trauma locks grief in place within the brain.

Why We Get Stuck in Grief

Traumatic grief isn’t just harder than normal grief. It’s wired differently. Here’s why:

Grief Becomes a “Loop” in the Brain

Instead of processing loss as part of the past, the brain keeps grief active like a trauma loop that won’t turn off. This results in:

Intrusive memories and flashbacks
Emotional reactivity to triggers (e.g., places, dates, smells)
Avoidance of emotions or reminders

The Nervous System Stays Stuck in Survival Mode

The body remains on high alert, leading to:

Chronic anxiety or panic attacks
Fatigue, insomnia, or physical pain
Feeling disconnected from yourself and others

The Loss Feels Unresolved

The brain struggles to update reality, leading to:

Denial or feeling “numb”
Guilt, self-blame, or regrets
A sense that healing is impossible

This is why traumatic grief requires a different approach to healing, one that works with the nervous system rather than against it.

Healing the Traumatized Brain Using Neuroplasticity

For those experiencing traumatic grief, healing can feel impossible. The pain feels embedded in the very fabric of your being, and the idea of “moving forward” may seem like a betrayal of the person you lost. But here’s something incredible: your brain is designed to heal.

Through neuroplasticity, the brain has the ability to rewire itself even after profound trauma. This means that while grief and loss change us, they do not have to define us. Healing is not about “getting over it” but about learning to live alongside loss in a way that allows for both remembrance and resilience.

Neuroplasticity is the brain’s ability to adapt, change, and form new connections throughout life. Think of it as your brain’s way of rewriting the script—not erasing the past but creating new pathways that allow for healing, growth, and renewed meaning.

In traumatic grief, neuroplasticity allows us to:

Shift from survival mode to emotional processing mode.
Rewire trauma loops and intrusive memories.
Rebuild a sense of connection and purpose.

The key is learning how to activate neuroplasticity in a way that supports healing.

How to Rewire the Brain After Traumatic Grief

Healing from traumatic grief requires more than time. It requires intentional actions that reshape neural pathways.

1. Regulating the Nervous System by Moving Forward from Survival to Safety

When grief is traumatic, the nervous system stays in fight-or-flight mode, making it difficult to process emotions. The first step in healing is helping the brain feel safe again.

CPR for the Amygdala® – A neuroscience-based technique to stop panic loops.
Breathwork & Mindful Touch – Slowing your breath while applying gentle, soothing touch can signal the brain that you are safe.

Try this now:

Place your hands on your heart.
Inhale deeply through your nose for a count of 4.
Hold for 2 seconds.
Exhale slowly through your mouth for a count of 6.
Repeat 3 times.

This simple exercise reduces amygdala activation, helping your brain shift from trauma mode. Download more free healing exercises for navigating grief here.

I’ve also created a healing meditation for navigating traumatic grief where you can lean into the vulnerability and hold space for all your feelings. This video is also embedded in the sidebar of this article.

2. Reprocessing the Loss by Rewiring Memory Networks

Traumatic grief traps memories in a heightened state of distress, making them feel ever-present. Healing involves helping the brain categorize the loss as part of the past—not as a current threat.

Journaling with Structure – Instead of aimless venting, try writing about the loss from different perspectives. What would your loved one say to you now?
Guided Visualization – Imagine speaking with your loved one in a peaceful setting. What words of comfort do they offer?
Body-Based Processing – Since grief is stored in the body, practices like yoga, and EMDR can help release stored trauma.

Understanding how the brain processes traumatic grief is essential for helping clients heal safely. That’s why I’m excited to invite you to my upcoming in-person 2-day workshop in Toronto, Canada on New Opportunities in Treating Grief, Loss and Trauma with Dr. Kate Truitt.

3. Rebuilding Connection and Meaning: Creating New Neural Pathways

One of the hardest parts of traumatic grief is feeling disconnected—from yourself, others, and life itself. But connection is key to healing.

Ways to Rebuild Connection & Meaning:

Engage in Safe, Supportive Relationships – Healing happens in connection, not isolation.
Honor Your Loved One Through Meaningful Actions – Volunteer, create something in their memory, or share their story.
Focus on Small Joys – Your brain can re-learn how to experience moments of peace, even in grief.

If you’ve been struggling with traumatic grief, know this: your brain is not broken. It is trying to keep you safe. But safety doesn’t mean staying trapped in pain. Safety means learning to process grief in a way that allows for healing and reconnection. If you want to delve deeper into this topic, join me for a free virtual conversation: “One-on-One with Dr. Kate Truitt: A Free Virtual Chat on Healing Grief and Trauma.”

4. Learning to Live Again: The Path to Posttraumatic Growth

Healing does not mean forgetting. It means learning to carry grief in a way that allows you to keep moving forward.

It’s okay to experience moments of joy. You are allowed to create a life that honors both your past and your future. Healing is not leaving them behind. It’s carrying their love with you. In this conversation with Dr. Arielle Schwartz, we delve into the raw and transformative path through trauma towards resilience. This video is also embedded into the sidebar of this page.

Healing is Possible

Traumatic grief can make it feel like your world has stopped, like healing is out of reach. But I want you to know you are not broken. Your brain is not failing you. It’s trying to protect you in the only way it knows how. The pain, the flashbacks, the numbness, the waves of sorrow, these are all signs that your nervous system is doing its best to keep you safe in the wake of loss.

But safety does not mean staying stuck. Healing does not mean your loved one behind. It means learning to carry love and loss together in a way that allows you to keep living. Every time you take a step toward healing, you are not saying goodbye, you are saying, “I will carry this love forward with me.”

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